I was lying in bed last night preparing to fall asleep and praying, like I often do. I was trying to figure out my actions of the day. I’d gotten angry about circumstances and lashed out at my wife and daughter – twice each. I’d felt bad after the first time for each, of course, but that didn’t seem to stop me from doing it again later.
As I prayed, I was trying to explain it all to God. My actions, my thoughts on my actions and what motivated them.
Then I realized I didn’t have to “explain” anything to God. He understands me much better than I ever could myself. He made me. Nothing I could ever say to Him would help Him understand my situation any better. My explanation to Him is really only for my benefit, kind of like talk therapy.
Anything I can think about anything is far below His infinite knowledge. He is, was, and will be – forever. As a mere human—a creation—we will by definition always be less than the creator. We can never see, know, or experience more than the One who created us.
That is very freeing to think about. When I turn to God after sinning (like last night), I don’t have to have all the answers. I just have to go to Him and seek His forgiveness. He understands what the human experience is like, so I don’t have to fill Him in on the details.
Plus, as one of the billions of people who have walked this earth, I’m sure I’m not the first to struggle with these exact feelings. The confusion. The turmoil. The frustration of failing over and over to live the life that I should. Countless others have been through it before.
And God understands.
I will fail again. I can count on that. I’ll let God down and let myself down. But it’s nice knowing that He’s always there to pick me up afterward.