Imagine Yourself a Happy Person

The next time you’re feeling blue (or down in the dumps, depressed, or whatever you want to call it), here’s a simple exercise that you can try that will make you feel better.

Ask yourself, “How would I act if I weren’t depressed, if I were a genuinely happy person?” Focus on trying to imagine yourself acting that way. Picture yourself with a carefree, happy smile on your face, talking easily to strangers, smiling uncontrollably because life feels so darned good.

Spend a few minutes really concentrating on fleshing out the details of this image. What would you eyes look like as they sparkled with joy? Would others see your pearly white teeth as you would be unable to hide your huge, happy smile? What would your body language look like? Would you hold your shoulders back and your head high?

Once you’ve really nailed this image in your head, NOW GO DO IT. Act like that genuinely happy person who doesn’t have a care in the world. Take the day by the horns and make it yours.

Smile easily, laugh loudly, show others how much you enjoy being in their presence. Walk like you have a purpose.

Do this exercise every day for a couple of weeks. It may feel corny at first, but over time it will become more natural feeling. As the old saying goes, “Fake it ‘til you make it.”

You may just find yourself experiencing those genuine feelings of happiness more and more. Wouldn’t that be great?

Adjust or Else

What does it mean to adjust? Change obviously. Adapt in some way. It means to make a change in order to bring about desired results.

To make the proper adjustments, however, we must know what the desired outcome(s) is. Sometimes this means asking ourselves the hard questions: What is it that we really want out of life? What are we willing (and able) to do to make this happen?

Once we know what we want, then we can create a road map for getting there. But until we have that vision fully formed in our head, there’s no way to know which direction to begin in.

Adjustment is not a one-time thing. In fact, it’s a constant. Life is not set up so that we can just turn the cruise control on, lean back in the seat, and relax.

Just as with driving down a curvy road that winds through hills and valleys, we must remain alert, vigilant, and ready to roll with whatever punches life throws our way.

Adjust. That’s the name of the game. Adapt. Be ready to change what’s not working in favor of something that will work.

Having to adjust does not mean you’ve failed. It doesn’t even mean—as has often been said—that you’ve found one more way that doesn’t work. It just means making a course correction so that your end destination stays in sight.

The potholes in the life’s roadway, along with fallen trees, washed out pavement, and other obstacles, will cause us to make adjustments. We either adjust or we run off the road. End of game.  

To remain in the game and keep moving forward, adjustment is a key component of life. Embrace it. Roll with it. Adjust and thrive or else your journey ends.

Make the Bible’s Words Your Prayers

Sometimes when we’re so down we just don’t know what to pray or how to pray to God. It seems like our prayers are going nowhere.

These are times when you can refer to the word of God for your prayers. If we’re weak in strength (emotionally and/or physically), all we have to do is pray words that have already been spoken before.

What this means is that we can use the God’s words from the Bible as our own prayers. We can find words that His people spoke to Him long ago and make them our own.

Rather than strictly coming to God with a list of concerns and cares, we can use these words as a guide to focus our prayers. Using them can transform our words into strong petitions that accurately reflect who God is and who we are in relation to Him.

Jeremiah 33:3 says,

“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Call out to God. Tell Him of your weakness. Tell Him you want to serve Him but you feel unequipped to do so. Trust Him to speak to you. It might not be right away, as sometimes we must wait on God to hear His voice clearly. But never stop trusting Him that He loves you and wants you to hear Him.

Praise God and thank Him that you can trust Him just as Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

You might pray something like, “Thank you, Father, that I can trust you with all my heart and that as I acknowledge you in every area of my life, you are making a straight path for me.”

It might be that trouble with your job or professional life has left you physically drained. Perhaps your finances are in disarray and you’re barely able to make ends meet.

In 1 Chronicles 4:10 we find this prayer from Jabez:

“Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!”

We learn in the next verse that God granted Jabez’s request. That’s not to say that God will give you whatever you ask for or that if He does, that it will be in the timeframe you want. God works in His own time and for His own divine purposes.

However, by speaking this prayer to God, you’re letting God know that you have needs (He already knows them anyway) and you’re inviting Him to be the One who works everything out. You’re recognizing that you can’t do it on your own.

Psalm 34:4-7 is a wonderful passage if you’re just feeling generally afraid and anxious:

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.”

Here we find David’s testimony that God helped him in his time of need. Just as He did for David, God will deliver you from your fears. He will save you out of your troubles.

Once again, it may not be in exactly the way you think He should. It may not be when you think it should be. But he is faithful. He’ll save you just like he did David.

Make these words your prayer. Personalize them. Thank God for His help. Praise Him for being faithful and for saving you as He did David.

Philippians 4:6-7 is another great passage for helping us through anxiety and worry. It tells us,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Pray to the Lord and thank Him that you have nothing to be anxious about. Praise Him for His peace in Jesus that is guarding your heart (emotions) and your mind (logical thought processes).

God loves us and is always there for us. Nothing we can ever do will change that.

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him” (Ps. 103:11).

Use the examples that He gave us in His word to personalize your prayers and make them powerful, God-trusting, God-praising prayers. Fortify them with God’s words and see if He doesn’t help you in your time of need.

My Big Mistake

“When you take charge of your own narrative, it gives you a handle on it.”

– Liz Murray

It’s been a long journey to happiness. And while I’ve haven’t quite achieved the level of satisfaction with my life that I’d like, I have come a long way.

One of the ideas that held me back for so long—and still does from time to time—was my belief that happiness just happens to you.

That you wake up each day, optimistic, with a smile on your face, and ready to face the world.

It’s the idea that people are just born happy—and that I. Was. Not. One. Of. Those. People. For decades I looked around at my peers, most of whom appeared reasonably contented with their lives, and I wondered why I didn’t feel the same way. Why could I just not take life as it comes, without all the fear, worry, depression, and anxiety that plagued me each day?

Obviously I wasn’t born happy, but surely taking a pill (or two or three) would do the trick, wouldn’t it? Go to the psychiatrist, get a prescription, and BAM!—life is all better. I tried that method for years, with very, very little success.

The medication helped some, enough to raise me to a baseline where I could hang on, hopeful that someday I’d find the find psycho cocktail that would magically cure whatever my problem was.

That never happened, though. That magical potion did not appear. I didn’t wake up one day and feel transformed.

Over time, however, I did realize that the key to lasting change lay within myself.

While the medication helped a little, I discovered the old motivational saying was true: “If it’s to be, it’s up to me.”

I realized that to find joy and happiness in life, I had to quit feeling sorry for myself and being angry that my life wasn’t the way I wanted it to be. I had to take charge of my destiny with a new drive to make my life into something better.

Instead of sitting around waiting for a pill to change everything, I needed to catapult the little amount of benefit I got from my medication into something bigger.

The pill gave me breathing room—now I had to punch back with a determination to practice gratitude, change my way of thinking, and begin to truly change my life.

And that is where I am today.

I had picked up a number of useful tools for dealing with depression over the years, although I’ve never really put them to good use.

However, I now realized that one of the main keys to becoming a truly joyful person is to quit looking at the past. Instead of saying, “Oh woe is me…I’m just not a happy person”—I needed to press forward, quit feeling like a victim, and get on with change.

I had taken great pleasure in playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself. I felt like the world owed me an apology for treating me so badly. I didn’t want to move forward—in fact, I couldn’t move forward—because I was too busy waiting for an apology and explanation as to why I felt the way that I did.

Little tip: You’ll never get that apology or that explanation. Just move on.

It’s been a very slow process, but now when those depressive feelings enter my mind, instead of getting down on myself and wallowing in self-pity, I have a desire to overcome those feelings and to take action to make my life better.

This deep drive and desire is what has made all the difference. Until I truly wanted to feel better—instead of taking some weird pleasure in feeling sorry for myself—it was not possible for me to make any lasting change.

I haven’t yet arrived. Not by a long shot. But, I’m well on my way.

See you there.

What Do You Worship?

Everybody—each and every one of us—is committed to something in our lives.

We all fall down at the altar of whatever it is that we’ve chosen to worship as our “god.”

For some of us, it might be money. The pursuit of the almighty dollar. We knock ourselves out trying to make as much money as we can, because, certainly, happiness will only come to us when we’re earning X amount of money a year.

For others, it might just be their career itself and all the recognition they hope to garner from it. When at last they are vice-president then—and only then—will they have achieved it all.

Perhaps fame is what motivates you each day. You want to become well-known in your field, to become that writer whose name is on everyone’s lips, or the doctor who finally finds a cure for a rare but fatal disease.  

We might even worship our spouse or significant other (also known as codependency).

Perhaps we worship having our own freedom and individuality—we just want to do life on our own terms. I know I’ve often been guilty of that kind of worship.

Whatever it is, that’s what we ultimately sacrifice everything for. That is our idol.

It doesn’t have to be a little figurine carved out of wood or stone that we prostrate ourselves in front of. It could be as simple as that job you invest 60 hours a week in. Or those golf clubs you cart around every weekend.

Your idol could even be God Himself. Now that’s a novel idea…

Paint Your Face How You Want to Feel

Have you ever heard the saying, “Fake it till you make it”?

Simply put, it refers to acting a certain way until you actually begin to feel that way. Motivational speakers often explain the power of this life hack to crowds of business or sales professionals.

However, you can use it in your everyday life as well. If you want to feel more confident when you’re at a party or get-together, for example, just act like you are a confident, relaxed person. Walk into the room with your head held high and a walk that says you know what you want out of life.

One of the most important parts of this technique is your facial expression.

Did you know that you can actually trick your mind into thinking you feel a certain way? Normally, we look at things the other way around—whatever emotion we feel or think about (joy, sadness, anger, etc.) is consequently displayed on our face (using our eyes and mouth).

But, the opposite is also true. If we put a big smile on our face, we can’t help but feel better. That’s right, smile really big and see if you don’t feel happier. You can actually change your mood instantly just by changing your facial expression.

That’s what I like to call “Paint Your Face How You Want to Feel,” or PYFHYWTF. If you want to feel joyful, put a big grin on your face. If you want to feel calm and relaxed, smile serenely and narrow your eyes a bit like you’re basking in the breeze on a warm beach and almost ready to doze off.

The effect is even more powerful if you do this while looking in a mirror.

There is an abundance of science behind why smiling makes us feel better. When our smile muscles contract to form a smile, they fire a signal back to the brain to stimulate the production of endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin that make us feel happier.

And when we’re happier, we smile more. It’s a positive reward cycle that can be set into motion just by smiling.

Imagine yourself as being happy and the feelings will follow.

Psychology Today has several online articles about the positive aspects of smiling—here and here are just two of them. The British Council even recommends holding a pencil between our teeth to exercise our smile muscles.

Not that you’d necessarily ever want to feel angry, but if you did, you could make yourself feel that emotion just by creating and angry expression.

That’s why when something small bothers you and you start to show it on your face, the emotions involved can quickly escalate. Before you know it, you’re full of rage over something insignificant.

You have much more power over your emotions than you might have realized.

Go on, give it a try. Stand in front of a mirror and give yourself your best smile and see what happens.

God is in Your Nose

Do you know what nasal turbinates are? Like me, you’ve probably never heard of them unless you work in the medical field.

However, these structures in your nasal passages play big roles. According to verywellhealth.com, turbinates are “shell-shaped networks of bones, vessels, and tissue within the nasal passageways. These structures are responsible for warming, humidifying, and filtering the air we breathe.”

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The turbinates’ action is actually fairly complex. Among other duties, they help us smell, drain our sinuses, determine our voice tone, and regulate the nasal cycle—which involves opening and shrinking the nasal passages every one to seven hours (for exact reasons that aren’t yet fully understood).

That covers a lot of territory. So, if it weren’t for your nasal turbinates, when you take an early morning jog on a brisk January morning, the chill air you breathe in would go straight to your lungs without being filtered or warmed at all. Your lungs wouldn’t like that and neither would you.

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Thinking about all this makes me wonder…Wouldn’t it be a whole lot simpler if we didn’t have to rely on turbinates? I mean, why didn’t God—in His infinite wisdom—design our bodies without such a complex setup for air filtering and regulation? He has the capacity to do so, right?

I don’t know the answer this question, and I suspect you don’t either. However, I believe we can learn something about the nature of God from this discussion.

Yes, God can do whatever He wants. What He obviously wanted when He designed the human body with all of its intricacy was for it NOT to be a simple system. He chose for our bodies to depend on nasal turbinates, as well as a heart and an even more complex brain and nervous system.

What this means to me is that, when it comes to other aspects of our lives—our relationships, our careers, our other personal challenges—we shouldn’t expect quick and easy results.

Lasting change takes time. It almost never comes through a miracle and almost always comes through natural processes. I believe this is one of the things He was trying to teach us when he designed the human body.

That’s the way God works. He created us as complex human beings with wonderful, intricate bodies. The same is true in the rest of the natural, created world.

aaron-burden-361231-unsplashLook around at the trees of the forest, the myriad sea creatures, all the species of insects and other animals—all in rich and diverse ecosystems that maintain delicate balances.

That doesn’t mean God isn’t involved in the day-to-day. He knows all and is in charge of all:

“Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the hairs of your head have all been counted” (Matt. 10:29-30).

There is nothing that happens on this earth that he doesn’t bypass His authority. We might not always like what happens to us, but we can rest assured that God is in ultimate control of everything.

I’ve learned that I often won’t understand the reasons why my life takes a certain course. I may not like that I have to trudge through mud and snow and gunk to get to the other side because I’d rather that God just pick me up and place me where He wants me. I know He has the power to do that and it’s frustrating to think He won’t do it.

But that’s where faith comes in. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

In the end, that’s all we can do.

How Am I Going to Serve God Today? (Part 2)

If you haven’t done so already, take a moment to read Part 1 of this post.

We’re continuing to talk about how we can serve God in every area of our lives, not just while worshipping on Sunday morning. Along with family and work, here are the other two areas—social and personal.

Serve Others in Your Social Life

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When you’re out and about during the day—running errands, going to a doctor’s appointment, taking your teenager to their orthodontist appointment—how do you act? Are you pleasant toward others, or do you take out your frustrations of the day on the cashier at the grocery store?

Far too often, I’ve been rude or nonchalant to an innocent bystander. Maybe even snippy if I felt I was being slighted. But that’s not the way I need to act toward others. Everyone you meet is a child of God, created by Him at His pleasure.

1 John 4:20 tells us, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” We cannot treat those around us with disdain and really, truly love God.

Although I’ve done just that many times, and maybe you have, too. I’ve prayed to God and asked for His help with a problem going on in my life, but then turned around and immediately said something awful about another person. I’m not sure I really want to know how God feels when He witnesses those kind of actions.

“How can I serve God, right here while standing in line at the bank, or giving the waitress my order, or sitting on these bleachers at my son’s Little League game?”

These are thoughts to keep in mind as we go about our daily routines. No matter where we go, there are countless opportunities to lift others up with a genuine smile, an encouraging word, or even by just showing them your own bright outlook on life. Even giving another driver room to change lanes or pull out displays a touch of grace.

Everyone has a struggle going on. We know our own, but we don’t usually know others’. Most people hide their true feelings to appear strong and put together. I’ve spent most of my life doing that. To avoid appearing weak, I’ve rarely let others in on my personal struggles.

But this is the very reason why it’s so important to serve God by reaching out to others. We don’t know what’s going on inside the people all around us. We can be Jesus, however, by showing them love and understanding.

As Bob Goff writes in Everybody, Always, after someone has hit rock bottom and bounced off the ground, we can catch them before they hit the ground a second time, helping them avoid even more disastrous results.

Serve God in Your Personal Life

God wants us to know Him better. Prayer and studying His Word are two ways we can do this. “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth” (2 Tim. 2:15).

We learn to handle the word of truth by reading it and studying it. Meditating on a small piece of God’s Word is a great way to let it sink into your spirit.

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If I come across a verse or passage that really speaks to me, I’ll try to memorize it. Over the next day or few days I’ll work on getting to the point where I can recall the words freely and easily. As I do this, I may focus on key words or phrases and really try to listen to God’s voice in them.

“Right now while I’m sitting at this red light, or while I’m washing my hands, or waiting for the elevator—how does the verse relate to me?”

And while you’re shopping, or cooking, or even driving, you can talk to God right then and there. Prayer doesn’t have to be planned and formal—although any kind of prayer is a step in the right direction.

God just wants to connect with us. He longs for a relationship with us, His creation. Just like any father does, He wants His children to seek Him and desire to be with Him.

Prayer and meditation enable us to connect with Him. It is a privilege He allows us as followers of Jesus, “in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him” (Eph. 3:12). Seek God. Reach out to Him on a regular basis. Get to know Him and let Him know you.

And strive to serve Him in every area of your life, at each moment, every day.

How Am I Going to Serve God Today? (Part 1)

Are you like many people who view their relationship and their service to God as separate from all other areas of their life? I was like that.

I think I’ve finally realized that God is and should be above everything else. Instead of picturing our relationship to God as just one of several big priorities in your life, our focus needs to be on Him, first and foremost.

Everything else in life needs to fall under Him. Look at all your other responsibilities as being filtered through your dedication and service to God.

Draw it Out

It might be helpful to visualize your relationship to God by drawing it out on a clean sheet of paper. Start at the top, write “God” in bold letters, and draw a circle around His name. This represents that everything in your life begins here, with God, and that your approach to life needs to represent that.

As head of our lives, we need to filter every decision and every thought through Him. Nothing in your life is as important as your relationship with Him. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most successful attorney, business owner, or hair stylist according to the world’s standards, if it doesn’t line up with God, and you’re not serving Him through it, then you’re failing.

Now, below the circle around God’s name, write these words side-by-side, evenly spaced across the page:

  • Family
  • Work
  • Social
  • Personal

These words represent major areas of our lives, through which we have the opportunity to serve God each day.

Make Family Time Serving Time

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Most people reading this will have family of some sort. Maybe it’s just one other person in the whole world, and you hardly have any contact with them. Or maybe your extended family is a huge part of your life and you can’t imagine not meeting up with the whole clan for Thanksgiving at Aunt Sally’s house.

Whatever your situation, our families can either be a great way to show God’s love, or they can be a huge stumbling block to our spiritual growth.

The next time there’s a family get-together at Aunt Sally’s house (don’t wait for Thanksgiving), or you’re spending time with your family, take a moment to think like Jesus might have thought.

“How can I serve God right here, right now at Aunt Sally’s, or here at our family dinner table, or while helping my daughter with her homework?”

Maybe that means offering to mash the potatoes, taking out the trash when you see it’s overflowing, or even watching one of your sister’s kids for a few minutes.

It might mean you just share a few kind words with that cousin you never could stand. Maybe he’s had the worst week of his life and a simple smile and a little encouragement when he least expects it could make a huge difference in his day.

When I mentioned that families can be a stumbling block to our faith, there is more than one way this can happen. For me, I’ve often let my past family interactions determine how I act.

Let me explain. It is said that a person acts in line with how they think other people see them. In other words, you act how you think other people expect you to act.

It’s pretty easy to fall into that trap. With family members I’ve known all my life, it’s natural to fall into the same old patterns of gossip and negativity that we’ve always shared. It’s difficult to break out of the mold and behave in a new and different way.

Especially if it’s that cousin you hate dealing with.

But God calls us to love others, just as we love ourselves. And, as Bob Goff emphasizes throughout his wonderful book, Everybody, Always, that may mean starting with those who are the most unlovable (at least in your eyes).

So God may have put your cousin in your path for a reason. Not only does he need a pick-me-up after he’s endured a long week at work, a huge fight with his wife, and trouble with his kids—you have the fantastic opportunity to grow spiritually by showing him grace and love. It’s a win-win!

Take advantage of these kinds of opportunities. Embrace them as learning experiences on your path to faithfulness. Learn the lessons you need to learn so you can continue growing in your faith. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (Prov. 3:5).

Become a Server at Work

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For most people, their job or career occupies a major chunk of their waking hours. If you’re like me, you may have lived for years with the idea that you’re working to live. I thought that going to work was the most important thing I could do each day because if I didn’t work, I didn’t make money, and everybody knows you need money to live.

While all of those ideas do ring true to an extent—money is a necessity, and work is the path to earning money—your job should not be where you place your focus. The Word says in Matt. 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things [food, clothing, necessities of life] will be added to you.”

What this means is that we need to approach work on Wednesday afternoon no differently than we approach worship on Sunday morning. God needs to be our focus—how we can worship and serve Him throughout our workday.

“How can I serve God while I’m writing this report, or adjusting my patient’s IV drip, or frying up burgers, or running these lab experiments?”

Ultimately, that’s for you and God to decide, but it could mean you step outside of your job description and do something extra to make a coworker’s day a little easier. Maybe it means cleaning up the mess that someone else left in the break room.

Our awesome God should be at the forefront of everything we do, each daily task—even at our jobs. Work isn’t something secular that’s outside the “religious” realm. God created you and He created work as a means to an end. But He’s the end. And the beginning. It all comes from Him and through Him.

When we try to make our work distinct from him, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. We can’t succeed—really succeed at work or anything else—when we don’t place it below Him and alongside everything else in our life that isn’t God.

In my next post, we’ll cover the next two major areas of life—social and personal. Be sure to check it out.

God Understands

I was lying in bed last night preparing to fall asleep and praying, like I often do. I was trying to figure out my actions of the day. I’d gotten angry about circumstances and lashed out at my wife and daughter – twice each. I’d felt bad after the first time for each, of course, but that didn’t seem to stop me from doing it again later.
As I prayed, I was trying to explain it all to God. My actions, my thoughts on my actions and what motivated them.
Then I realized I didn’t have to “explain” anything to God. He understands me much better than I ever could myself. He made me. Nothing I could ever say to Him would help Him understand my situation any better. My explanation to Him is really only for my benefit, kind of like talk therapy.
Anything I can think about anything is far below His infinite knowledge. He is, was, and will be – forever. As a mere human—a creation—we will by definition always be less than the creator. We can never see, know, or experience more than the One who created us.
That is very freeing to think about. When I turn to God after sinning (like last night), I don’t have to have all the answers. I just have to go to Him and seek His forgiveness. He understands what the human experience is like, so I don’t have to fill Him in on the details.
Plus, as one of the billions of people who have walked this earth, I’m sure I’m not the first to struggle with these exact feelings. The confusion. The turmoil. The frustration of failing over and over to live the life that I should. Countless others have been through it before.
And God understands.
I will fail again. I can count on that. I’ll let God down and let myself down. But it’s nice knowing that He’s always there to pick me up afterward.

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