doubt

Follow This Biblical Pathway For Success

/ Clay D. / 1 Comment

What if you believed you truly had the power of God on your side? Would you feel differently about your life than you currently do?

Maybe you already believe that you have God’s power working in your life and you live every day knowing that God is working through you.

I’ve personally struggled with this concept—that is, believing that God’s enormous power is really working on my behalf to help me succeed in whatever I may find myself doing.

In fact, in some of my lowest moments, I’ve found myself doubting God—doubting that He cares and doubting that He is doing anything in my life. 

Logically, I know that those thoughts come from our enemy, because

all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Why is it so difficult for us to remember and rely on this promise from our loving Heavenly Father?

We should walk through each day in victory, knowing without a doubt that God is doing good things in our lives because we have accepted Christ as our Savior.

It is hard to live this way, however, as we are continually bombarded with negativity.

After all, we live in a fallen world and we’re subject to all the tactics of the devil designed to derail our Christian walk.

It is far too easy to let the enemy keep us focused on all the mundane issues of our lives, rather than walking in strength by the power of the Holy Spirit, who was sent to be a helper and a comforter to Christ followers. 

We are told,

You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

Acts 1:8

And,

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

So, what is the answer then? On a practical level, how do we tap into this power that is waiting for us?

My belief is that it all begins with prayer—simply acknowledging God as all-powerful and asking Him for His help every day. 

Then, we must simply believe.

Everything you pray and ask for—believe that you have received it and it will be yours.

Mark 11:24

God is waiting to help us. He wants us to be successful doing His work on earth. If we sincerely seek Him and His power, He will honor our request.

Since the devil is always on the lookout for any chance to cause chaos, confusion, and evil, I believe that we should also ask for wisdom. 

We need to be aware of any weaknesses or areas of our lives we leave open for the enemy to use to his advantage. Once again, we are promised,

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him

James 1:5

God wants our success, and He will give us wisdom to help us get His work done.

While prayer and faith are the key ingredients needed to tap into God’s power, asking for His help isn’t a one-time thing. 

We must seek Him daily, reaching out to Him to acknowledge our weaknesses and ask for His help. 

That is the path to accessing the power of God every day. Following it will ensure that we’re successful in whatever He has called us to do to advance His kingdom.

The Lazy River

/ Clay D. / 1 Comment

Below is a piece I wrote a few months back, when I was in a much different place spiritually and emotionally.  I’m posting it here now because when I recently went back and reread it, I was stunned by the raw emotion within it.  I have edited it only slightly for content, so please forgive the grammar.  I have written a response to this piece, which follows this post.

 

I want to believe and trust in you Lord.  I want so badly for this to be the norm to be who I am just like it was years and years ago – back when it was easy to trust you and I didn’t question everything.  I just took your word as it came, realized and accepted that the promises were for me and carried on with life, trusting you for things. Oh, it wasn’t always that easy and simple – by no means was it that way.  But at several points in my life it WAS that way, I did trust you and feel one with you, believing that you had my best interests at heart, believing that you loved me and cared for me.  I guess deep down I still believe those things – that you want only the best for me.  However, it’s so easy now to doubt all that.  I’ve been through so many trials, so much heartache, so much pain and numbing depression for so long that I can’t help but doubt, can’t help but wonder what the reason is for all this.  I wonder what purpose you could possibly have in mind for all this.  I wonder why you don’t make it all go away.  I believe that you have the power to make it disappear once and for all.  You have the power to enable me to enjoy life, to begin each day knowing that there’s a reason, a purpose that I got out of bed, that it’s not just another random day in my boring, monotonous life.  I believe that you can do all this, so why don’t you?  Why don’t you allow me some happiness like I used to have in my life?  Why did I have to peak at 13, 14, 15?  I’m now 42 – that’s a long time to struggle and be unhappy.  Yes, I’ve had a few good times, but they have been few and far between.  And lately they’ve been very few with a lot of in between.  I remember Daddy sitting on the carport almost every night after work, after a swig or two of whiskey.  He’d drink coffee and smoke, just staring off into the distance toward the end of the lot.  What was he thinking about all these years, when he was 50 or 60 years old? – after I’d already come onto the scene.  Was he pondering his failures in life?  Was he wishing that he’d never contracted TB and had to leave the city, bitter that he was living out his life in a podunk little town?  Probably he thought about all these things and many more which I’ll never know about, never coming close to thinking about.  What deep, dark secrets had he packed away in his head?  The bigger question is this: will I be doing this same thing for the rest of my life?  Will I sit and stare and ponder and regret and wish and hope – not dreaming, because those days are long past.  It is too late for dreams now.  They are things for youth, those who have energy and zest for life, those who have not been weighed down by heartache and pain and disappointment and depression for decades.  For years now I have sat outside, mostly in the evenings, pondering, regretting, mournful about the past, bitter about the future, feeling stuck in a drab, joyless existence for the rest of my days – feeling powerless to change anything in my life, resigned to accept what I’ve got and drift along with the current through the rest of the lazy river of life, until I reach the end and have to turn in my innertube.  It’s not been a fun ride.  I thought these things (life) were supposed to be pleasant, relaxing, enjoyable.  I look around and see others taking pleasure in their ride.  They’re laughing with family and friends, enjoying a cool drink along the way, kicked back on their innertube, sunglasses and sunscreen on to protect them from too much of a good thing.  Then I look at myself — I have none of those things.  Yes I have a family to enjoy (which I do), but no cool drink, no sunglasses, no sunscreen.  I’m squinting from the glare all the way around the path.  And I’m not even on the innertube, just holding on with one arm while in the water, shoulders getting more and more sunburned.  Yes, there are others I notice who don’t even have an innertube.  They’re dog paddling, trying to stay afloat and conserve their energy at the same time, hoping not to get a cramp before they reach the end.  Looking at their plight does, in a way, make me thankful for my innertube to hang on to, thankful for my family to talk to.  But, it also causes me to question the ride, the whole experience.  Why do these people have so little, when others have so much?  Why is that elderly man so miserable on his journey, fighting to keep his head above water with nothing to grasp on to, when just a few feet away a 20-something sips his lemonade, holds hands with his young wife, and playfully dangles his feet in the same water which threatens to overtake the old man?  Why was he not given an innertube as well?  It doesn’t seem fair.  Oh, I know – nobody ever said life was fair.  But what about the fact that none of us even asked to get on this ride?  We didn’t sign up for it, not me, not the old man, not the 20-something.  We all just somehow found ourselves here, only in vastly different circumstances.  We didn’t ask to get on the ride, and we can’t get off the ride (oh, there’s a way, but it’s not desirable).  The old guy can question aloud why he didn’t get an innertube, but nobody has acknowledged him yet, much less given him any relief.  I’d like to have some sunglasses, even a cheap dollar store pair, but so far nothing.  I squint while another smiles with ease.

Shrink Wrap

/ Clay D. / Leave a comment

Ronnie nervously slid onto the therapist’s couch.  No matter how many times he came here he never quite got used to it.  The room’s darkness and odd, musty smell always reminded him of his grandparents’ cellar when he was a boy.  It was almost comforting in a way, taking him back across the years to gentler, less anxious times.

After a couple of minutes of compulsory small talk, Dr. Melling changed tones.  “Well, Ronnie, what has been on your mind?  What would you like to talk about today?

Ronnie fidgeted nervously.  “Well, God I guess.  I mean, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I view God, about how I see myself in relation to Him.  That’s been on my mind a lot the last few days.”

“God.  I see.  Tell me more about what you’ve been tossing around in your mind then.”

“Well, I don’t really know how to begin – seems like I never do.”  Clasping his hands behind his head and relaxing a bit, Ronnie continues.  “These anger issues that I’ve been dealing with all these years – it seems like lately they’ve been getting worse.  We talked about all that last time I think.  Anyway, I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that triggers these outbursts that I seem to have no control over.  It seems like the least little thing sends me off – somebody cuts me off in traffic, I spill something on my shirt or bump my knee on my desk.  I may not consciously realize it at the time, but the first thought that goes through my mind when something like that happens is, There goes God.  He did this.  He’s testing me again.  It’s like, when something goes wrong in my life, I automatically attribute that to God.”

Sensing a pause in Ronnie’s thoughts, Dr. Melling interrupted.  “So what you believe is happening is that either consciously or subconsciously you blame God anytime an event happens to you that you feel is bad or negative.”

“Yes, I guess that’s the best way to put it.  I don’t know why I believe this and  I certainly don’t know why God would be testing me in this way.  It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this.  What I’m saying is, on the most superficial level reason tells me that it is God testing me.  It may be that He has some ideal in mind of what I’m supposed to be and through these “trials”, or whatever they are, He is trying to mold me into that.  I’ve always heard that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.

Stroking his chin thoughtfully, Dr. Melling repeated, “More interested in your character than your comfort. Interesting.  Go on.”

“Like I said, when something negative happens to me, sometimes I’ll just lose it.  Snap. Like that.  It feels like I have all this frustration and rage boiling just beneath the surface.  I do pretty well to keep it in check most of the time.  I can smile and go along with a lot of things.  But when I feel like there’s been one more injustice forced on me, I snap.  In the back of my mind it’s like I’m telling God through my anger that I’ve had it with His games – that I hate them, I’m sick of them, and I’m going to yell and curse to show Him how much I mean it.  I know it’s wrong to lash out like that, but I’ll admit, it gives me a feeling of being in control.  Sometimes I don’t feel very much control in my life.  Maybe I’m using anger as a way to give myself some measure of power back in my life, or even to put some distance between myself and God.  Does this make any sense?

“Well, yes, I believe it does.  I believe I understand precisely what you’re saying.  You’re being passive-aggressive with God, Ronnie.  More importantly, however, is do you understand what you’re saying?  After all, that’s the most important thing.”

“I believe I do,” continued Ronnie.  “I’m just not sure what to make of this battle that’s raging inside my head.  What I’m saying is, when I really stop and think about what I believe to be true, that is, on the deepest level, I don’t really think that God has it in for me.  Sure, He may send trials my way to help mold me into who He wants me to be – I’ve always been taught that – but deep down I guess I believe that He has my best interests in mind.

Ronnie paused for a moment, lost in thought.  The doctor chose not to interrupt this time.  “But you know,” he continued while staring at the floor, “what really bothers me I guess is that even though God may not be sending these things my way directly, why doesn’t He do something about preventing those things that do happen to me?  I understand that these things may come into my life for a purpose, but I simply can’t get past the fact that I feel like a lab rat in a maze caught up in some kind of experiment that I’ll never understand the purpose of.  It’s like I see God as a scientist, off to the side looking over the top of his glasses.  He’s watching His subject intently as it struggles to make sense of its surroundings and find the end of the maze.  There may be a purpose to it, but it is so far beyond the grasp of the rat that it makes no difference.”

Ronnie paused again and looked up at Dr. Melling.  “Am I the only one who’s ever felt like this?  Does this make me a bad person?”

The doctor answered, “Well, Ronnie, I’ve been doing this a long time.  I see all kinds of people come through here.  Many of them are Christians with doubts such as yourself, many others don’t know what they believe, or they’ve believed something for so long it’s become a part of them but now they realize they have no idea why they believe it.  I’d have to say, no, you’re not the first person to have ever felt this way, to have had these sort of thoughts.  Questions and doubts are a natural part of being a human being.  We all have them.  We’ll never have the answers to all our questions this side of eternity.  And I’m not sure we’ll even have them then.”

“That’s good to know,” Ronnie said.  “I just wish I knew how to deal with all this.”

“Tell me this,” said Dr. Melling.  “What do you think God thinks about you?  Do you think He’s pleased with you?   With your actions?   Do you think He loves you anyway, no matter whether your actions are pleasing or not?”

to be continued…