Ever since I was a young boy, there has always been a kind of disconnect between the concept of God, the concept of Jesus, and the difference between the two.

When I was little, I knew God and I knew Jesus, but they weren’t the same. In fact, it seemed like they were in competition with each another. 

I grew up going to a Methodist church where there was little, if any, mention of Jesus. I don’t remember any real teaching from the pulpit about who Jesus is.

I do remember hearing the crucifixion story in my Sunday School class, but that was about it.

Hung on the back wall of the sanctuary just behind the choir loft, there was a painting of a man wearing a robe.

One Sunday when I was probably about 4 or 5, my family and I were waiting for the service to start. I pointed to the image and asked my mom, “Who is that — God or Jesus?”

She told me it was Jesus.

From that time on, I always thought of God and Jesus as separate and not equal. 

In fact, I began to see Jesus as in competition with God. 

God is the One we worship. Who is Jesus to come along and try to take His place?

A few years later, when I was about 10, a group of boys spontaneously shared the gospel with me in the middle of the street where I had been riding my bicycle.

I believe it was the first time I ever heard that I needed to accept Jesus as my savior in order to go to Heaven. 

I had always been led to believe that I, along with all the other “good” people, would just end up there when we died.

Thinking about Jesus in this way was different than I had ever looked at Him before. It didn’t really sit well with me, because it felt like an “addition” to the religion I had been taught. 

There is only one God. His name is God. We worship Him and Him alone. Why do we need Jesus? It all seemed unnecessary and sacrilegious — even though I didn’t really understand that concept yet. 

Even though I dismissed the need for Jesus that day, the encounter stuck with me for years. 

What if those boys were right and we do need Jesus to get to Heaven? But what about God? Would I be cheating on Him if I added Jesus into my life?

It was all very confusing to my young, developing, but inquisitive mind.

There’s God on the one hand and Jesus on the other. How does it all work together? 

After my mom and I started attending the Baptist church in our little town, where Jesus was mentioned a whole lot more often, I began to think more seriously about my eternal destiny. 

Eventually, when I was 15, I accepted Christ into my life. I had finally come to terms with how the Father sent Him to die for my sins on the cross.

Fast forward 40-plus years. 

To this day, there still seems to be a sort of disconnect between God and Jesus. 

Of course, I believe that Jesus is God and that He and the Father are separate Persons of the trinity, along with the Holy Spirit.

However, I don’t truly understand the role of Jesus in my everyday life as a believer. 

I mean, should I pray to Him or to the Father? Do I rely on Jesus’s strength, the Father’s strength, or just the strength of God in general?

Admittedly, when I think of a divine being, the first image that comes to mind is of a man in the sky wearing a white flowing robe and controlling the universe at will.

I don’t usually picture a triune God, or even just Jesus and the Father. I think of that one Person in the sky. 

And that is my version of God most of the time.

However, I know that Jesus should be a vital part of the believer’s life. After all, we are called Christians after His name.

I’m just not sure how to incorporate Him into my life.

To a degree — more than I’d like to admit really — it still feels like cheating when I talk to Jesus or think of Him as my Lord. 

After all, what about God? Is he going to be upset that I’m not giving Him the honor He is due?

You would think that having been a Christian for four decades I wouldn’t struggle with these kinds of fundamental questions.

Honestly, it’s embarrassing to still struggle with my faith in this way. I should be more mature in my beliefs and move onto bigger theological challenges.

That’s where I’m at, however. 

I often have to remind myself that while God is God, He is also the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 

If we want the Father, we have to go through the Son, and the Holy Spirit draws us to Him.

That’s the truth.